1.Cliched Title For Kris
I know a girl called Kris
Who believes in God and Elvis
And I'm an atheist
But we get on fine
I know a girl called Kris
Who's an astral-projectionist
And I want nothing to do with it
But we get on fine
I know a girl called Kris
Who eats celery and parsnips
And I eat fish and chips
But we get on fine
I know a girl called Kris
Who thinks leprechauns exist
And I think that's a load of shit
But we get on fine
She's a friend of my sisters
She's a friend of mine
2.Cat In Sunshine
You tell me you don't like the way I comb my hair
But there are two of us at this table
Only one of us doesn't care
You're so engrossed in what you read
And you're not really there
Can tell you all my troubles
And all you say is 'yeah, yeah, yeah'
Television's off tonight
I heard somebody cry outside
The smells of spring are everywhere
Getting mixed up with my own
Could've sworn I heard you say this house was not your home
Medicine cabinet is your only friend
Your greatest fear is telephone
Here it comes again
You look like so many adjectives
But what you are is what I'm not
You come round here in a brand new shirt
And announce that you're a brand new girl
But you stole that line
And you probably stole the shirt as well
Sometimes I have to wonder why
I'd only take an inch and you gave me a mile
It's got more to do with stupidity
Than it has to do with style
Every time you come round here
I never know just what you'll wear
And I'm sitting here in yesterdays underwear
Do you have to try hard to look as though you really couldn't
care
A friend once told me apathy looks good on her
You look like so many similes
What you are is a cat in sunshine
And when you're here I feel like D Day is here
All those songs about burning houses are giving me ideas
If I hear those words once more I'll pour the petrol on the
floor
And I'll watch the flames caress your door
You look like so many analogies
But what you are is a cat in sunshine
A cat in sunshine, a canary in a coal mine
3.Adolescent Song Of Mindless Devotion
I love you from the heart of my bottom
I love you from the bottom of my soul
I love the soles on your feet
I love you from the foot of the hill
(I promise I will)
I'd sail the driest desert
I'd walk the wildest seas
I'd swim the highest mountain
I'd swallow chalk and swear it was cheese
If you said please
Because I love you
And I need you
And I want you
To be mine
Because I love you
And I need you
And I want you
To be mine
I love your diamond lips
I love your rosy-red eyes
I love your cheeky cheeks
I'd tear the stars out of the midday sky
(if you said 'hi')
I'd help you walk through the window
I'd sing to you beneath your door
I'd change my name to Matthew
And be the welcome mat on your floor
I don't know what five
Because I love you
And I need you
And I want you
To be mine
'Til the end of lunchtime
4.Run Spot Run
Accidents will happen
Catastrophes will occur
One hour in your kitchen is boring enough
You locked me in for twenty-four
Catastrophes can happen
Accidents will occur
I was looking for a way to get back at you
He walked in through a flap in the door
And every time I hear it's name
I feel some kind of shame
Everyone says I'm not to blame
But all the same
I'm sorry I killed your dog
5.Weatherboard
It was summer when she moved in
And it was winter when she moved out again
And the sky was usually blue
And the single bed was big enough for two
It's funny the things that stay with you
Her jewellery on the table and the smell of her perfume
The candle wax on the carpet, singing in the supermarket
And the wall paper in her bedroom
I'll never understand how it happened like this
I drew an open hand and she drew a fist
I drew an arrow and a heart, she drew a razor and a wrist
She said 'I love you when it's sunny'
But the sun refused to shine
And I was crucified on the clothes line
She stole a magazine from the laundromat
Did it weigh upon her conscience as it lay upon her lap
The body is willing but the mind is weak
The champagne is chilling and the wine is cheap
The milk was always spilling and we cried ourselves to sleep
It was summer when she moved in
And it was winter when she moved house again
The boxes on the floor
And the note that she pinned to my door
This house is made of sticks
This house is made of straw
This house is made of bricks
This house is made of weatherboard
6.Andrew's Pleasure
Andrew's pleasure is a beautiful girlfriend
They both wear sunglasses and hide their faces
Andrew's pleasure is a beautiful girlfriend
Who isn't scared to kiss him in public places
Others say it's quite ironic
That she drinks beer and he drinks gin and tonic
Andrew's pleasure is a beautiful girlfriend
Who doesn't mind kissing him in naughty places
Andrew's treasure is a buried in the ground
Why don't we dig it up and sell it to the American bases
Whatever Senator Ray says
Andrew's pleasure is made to measure
She's got time on her side
She's a girl of leisure
Andrew's pleasure is moving out
He's got her heart on her sleeve
And her shirts in suitcases
Andrew's pleasure seems to cause him pain
But when she runs away he always runs and chases
Runs and chases
Andrew's pleasure
7.Remote Control
Twenty-five year old teenager steals every scene
He's got wrinkles in his forehead
He's supposed to be younger than me
He's a rebel with a clause
His contracts guaranteed
He's filthy rich and he's squeaky clean
The beautiful ugly girl frowns for a while
But I'll give her half an hour before she's wearing a smile
A few home truths in a telephone booth
Her lipstick and her liposuction, new hair style
Rich little poor girl smiles at me
And her conscience shines as white as her teeth
It's yellow below, it's decaying beneath
Too much apple pie and ice cream and not enough to eat
Mother and father are so understanding
They never get upset and they never get angry
Home sweet home is sickly so
I'd like to throw the switch on the nuclear family
It's right against wrong
Good against evil
Perfect problems for perfect people
Remote Control
8.Tale Of Two Cities
You and I have got a postpak relationship
It's a tale of two cities
I don't know how many self addressed envelopes
Have passed between you and I and Melbourne and Sydney
Two weeks 'till your train gets in
And it's another few minutes on the phone
And I'm glad that we don't share absolutely everything
And we've still got some secrets of our own
845 reasons the law of averages will have to bend
So far we've gone through all four seasons and
You're still my best friend
You're still my best friend
Another leaf in an envelope
Another few words on a page
Your thoughts about last week
And my thoughts about rage
We splurge on the time we spend
Your room with the lights off
The rain on the plexi-glass at five in the morning
You and I on red bluff standing on the fence
And I think to myself I can feel the day awning
845 reasons the law of averages will slowly bend
So far we've gone through all four seasons
And I'm left here with no time or reason
To look through the letters you sent
9.Birthday Present For Katrina
Happy birthday dear Katrina
We hope you have a lovely day
Your father and I are oh so proud
In fact there's something he'd like to say
We've watched you grow from a beautiful baby into a beautiful
girl
And as a flower of woman who has blossomed so fresh
You mean everything in the world
Happy birthday dear Katrina
We hope you have a lovely time
A few of us guys got together
And we bought you a cask of cheap white wine
There are 100 people here and you might know half of them
And the beer on the carpet won't stain
Just get drunk, fall over and embarrass yourself
Like you did last Saturday
And the one before that
You're the apple of my eye
You're the core of my life
But as the fruit turns sour
You throw up and fall down
And I sometimes wonder why
10.Scottsdale
I walk right past his window when the light is growing dim
He looks away from me and as I glance in at him
He owns one bed, one bookcase and the television
He sits and watches and I'm glad I'm not there with him
There was a time when he was young
There was a time when he had no time to regret what he'd done
There are six men on the ground floor
Three stories up and there are sixteen more
And the stories they tell you think you've heard before
But listen closely, to be sure
There was a time when they were young
There was a time when they had no time to regret what they'd
done
I see him on the street in the cold
He nods as if to greet me, I feel too young, and he too old
He is a nameless face to me
This is his hiding place I see
He talks to himself, I can see his breath
Sixteen rooms, sixteen men off the meth
There was a time when they were young
There was a time when they had no time to regret what they'd
done
11.English Murder Mystery
I love her but she loves Agatha Christie
And she's so wrapped up in the English Murder Mystery
I was nowhere near the scene of the crime
I was nowhere around at the time
Someone dropped arsenic in Mr Robinson's wine
Getting angry doesn't suit her
Says her English literature tutor
She's a sheep in wolves clothing
It's a bad disguise
I couldn't help noticing with due surprise
That she's dotted her t's and crossed her i's
And she wants to take me away to a hotel in
Bornmouth for the holidays
What's murder and suspense between good friends？
We took a cliched clifftop walk
And I made the mistake of mentioning Peter Falk
She says American TV has killed the murder mystery
'Cause the killer's always caught by 10.23
I had the motive but she gave me the means
A dagger in the drawing room just after tea
She was Miss Scarlet with embarrassment
And envy turned me Reverend Green
I love her but she loves Agatha Christie
She's dead serious about her family history
But she made me promise that I'd never hurt her
She looked so suspicious at the supper I served her
One mans meat is another man's murder
And she wants to put me away in a room without a view for a long
holiday
What's prosecution and defence？
What's common law and common sense？
What's a barbed wire electrified fence between friends？
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